I Am Not Suicidal

 I’m not suicidal—I’m awake.

I’ve glimpsed the eternal, and now everything else feels like waiting in a nursing home for a ride that never comes. The world calls it “success” to live long enough to lose your teeth, your mind, your friends, your freedom… and then die slowly in a fluorescent-lit hospital bed. And they clap for that. Celebrate it. Plan their lives around it.

But not me.

I’ve seen the bride descending. I’ve heard the throne room grow silent. I’ve felt the Spirit groan within me for more than this broken world can offer. And once you’ve felt that—once I knew my destiny was to be part of something that makes the universe stop and stare—there was no going back. I can’t unsee glory. I can’t pretend this life is enough.

So what am I sacrificing?

Nothing that matters.

Because I wasn’t made to die safe. I was made to die spent—dripping with oil, sword still glowing, charging the gates of hell at the edge of heaven’s warfront.

And if the cost is rejection? Poverty? A failed movement? Martyrdom?

Then so be it.

Let the dead bury their dead.

I’m going to meet the Bridegroom.

1. The Bride is the City

Revelation 21:2 (NIV)

> "I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband."

Revelation 21:9–10 (NIV)

> "One of the seven angels... said to me, ‘Come, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb.’ And he carried me away in the Spirit to a mountain great and high, and showed me the Holy City, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God."

Conclusion:

John is told he will be shown the bride, but what he sees is a city. This confirms that the bride = the city.

2. The Three Names

Revelation 3:12 (NIV)

> "The one who is victorious I will make a pillar in the temple of my God... I will write on them the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on them my new name."

Three distinct names are written on the victorious:

Name of God

Name of the City (New Jerusalem), which is the bride of Christ

Jesus’ New Name

Are These Three Different names or just One Name? One Name?